Successfully bridging the Fap Gap

How much you enjoy work is a function of what you’re missing out on – the opportunity cost.

So if you have a twelve-speed sexbot at home with all the optional extras, even a very rewarding job will probably be rather annoying.

Whereas if home is a filthy hovel filled with rats, even quite a tough job in a sweatshop can be a pleasant break.

So work does not just have intrinsic and extrinsic value, but contextual value too.

I would suggest that back in the day, getting up early to go and spend twelve hours in the fields doing back-breaking labour was quite dreary, but then going home to meagre sustenance, crowding round a flickering candle on the piano for a bit of a sing-song and then going to bed to do it all tomorrow wasn’t great either – the misery of our jobs were high, but then the pleasure of our leisure was low.

So The Fap Gap was low.

But today a lot of work (in the developed West) is comparatively easy – we sit at desks in comfy chairs and tap away at keyboards, for the most part. Maybe some phone calls.

But when we get home, the Fap Gap kicks in hard – great food if we can be bothered to make it, using any of the million recipes we can find online. Entertainment on tap – films, games, podcasts, TV programmes, radio, social media, all on demand. And that’s before we talk about infinite amounts of free porn, of whatever weird flavour you prefer.

We can please ourselves. And we can pleasure ourselves.

Wanna eat a delicious meal then play an amazing video game for a few hours with friends all over the world, before watching one of your favourite films of all time and then chatting online with more friends before settling down to watch ethnic amputees screw each other senseless on a bouncy castle?

No wonder we resent going to work.

To paraphrase Phil Daniels, we increasingly resent even thinking about leaving the house, and it’s easy to see why – life at home can be great, and going out for ANY reason (let alone work!) is increasingly hard to justify. This probably explains why road rage is so common these days – we are all furious at not being able to stay at home, eat Wotsits and watch porn. Every second away from that is infuriating.

Imagine the problems we’ll have once we have sexbots!

Go on. Imagine them.

So next time someone at work can’t be bothered to do their job well, or the next time someone gives you the finger from behind the wheel, just remember that it’s not about you, it’s just that they are really annoyed that they had to leave the house.

Because of The Fap Gap.

Support Continental Telegraph Donate


  1. Who actually wants a robot car?

    I don’t even let my wife drive my car, and dislike SatNav because I don’t appreciate an electronic woman telling me what to do. No bloody way am I putting my life in the grasping robotic claws of some computerised monstrosity.

    The tech isn’t up to it and won’t be for a good long time. And they can fuck off anyway. It sounds like some boon but would in fact be an unmitigated evil.

    They have already killed one person while testing their crap and this pedestrian is the

    • “They”? Who is “They?”

      A Volvo owned by Uber and co-piloted by a human ran over a jaywalking pedestrian who negligently walked into the path of a vehicle. Pedestrian deaths are so frequent that they almost never make the news headlines, even on an extremely slow-news day. What made this incident different is that the vehicle was autonomously-equipped. So the first obstacle to reason we have to overcome here is availability bias.

      I detest being obliged to share the roads with a bunch of obnoxiously rude homicidal maniacs. I get up at four-thirty a.m. to avoid traffic. How much better it would be if I could leave at a human hour, settle back and open a novel by one of our ConTel authors and arrive at work with normal adrenalin levels. Regrettably by the time driverless cars are available, I will be sitting in an urn on the mantelpiece.

  2. Despite the amazing efficiency of our modern marketplace, one still needs to earn money to buy all that great porn. It is easier than ever both to live on little money and to watch other people having sex (It was not long ago that a James Bond villain was the only person who could own a movie collection, and surely even he owned no films with nudity). But the modern resentment has less to do with better alternatives than to a greater tendency to resent any duty to one’s fellow man.

    Separately, a cubicle in which to make the corporate personnel manual gender-neutral might always seem less socially useful than a summer with the mosquitoes trimming Christmas trees.

  3. @Southerner
    “A Volvo owned by Uber and co-piloted by a human ran over a jaywalking pedestrian who negligently walked into the path of a vehicle. Pedestrian deaths are so frequent that they almost never make the news headlines…”

    Agree. Yet The Gov’t, “20’s plenty”, “BRAKE”, more speed humps, MSM etc report as if every pedestrian killed or injured by a motor vehicle was innocently walking on pavement and evil driver targeted them.

    Roads are for vehicles, pavements (sidewalks) for pedestrians.