To Ask The British Bureaucracy – Why Does Every Dog Need Its Own Bedroom?


An interesting question indeed. Why is it that every dog is in need of its very own bedroom? It’s not something which really passes that original taste test, is it? That a pack animal requires absolute privacy? But this is an insistence currently being made by the British bureaucracy, an insistence which is closing down small businesses across the country.

For the clipboard wielders have decided that home kennels – the sort that you might wish to leave a dog at while you take a holiday, that sort of thing, they being set up in very mildly rearranged homes – must have one separate room for each and every dog that is looked after. Stands to reason after all, all of us who do have dogs do indeed designate one room in the house for the exclusive use of each and every dog we’ve got. What the lower orders do, what happens among those with too few rooms for this to be possible we know not – and frankly, who cares among said hoi polloi? That every bureaucrat themself does indeed have their own mutt housed in such splendour does mean that every bow wow in the Kingdom enjoy such:

But the thriving industry that provides this in the form of home daycare and boarding for dogs is now under threat because of new legislation which has been described as “barking mad”. New restrictions including each dog having to have its own room and a huge increase in fees for licences mean that some businesses are being forced to close down whilst others are losing a large proportion of their income.

Yes, yes, we know, the English treat their animals better than their children, this only being a surprise to someone who has never met any English children. And it’s true, we don’t insist on a separate room for each child, that only being an insistence in the good housing standards when they reach a certain age. So, why not have these higher standards for dogs, that’s one way of looking at it. Except, well, let’s look at the justification they’ve given for this:

A Defra spokesperson said: “The licensing systems for businesses that work with animals have not been reformed for almost fifty years, and these changes simplify these into one system for licensees and local authorities, helping consumers to make better informed decisions and improving animal welfare even further. “Designated rooms are an important part of this, ensuring dogs have their own space away from other animals if necessary when they are being looked after. We expect local authorities to work with the businesses in their area to implement these changes.”

Humans have been keeping dogs for the past, oooh, 10,000 years or so. We bureaucrats, we currently placing our polyester clad bottoms on the Naugahyde chairs you’ve paid for – ditto the bottoms and polyester –  know better than that ten millennia’s worth of history. Shut up and do as we tell you, peasants.

And people wonder why I suggest extensive use of that multiperson gallows still in technical development?

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